The cleverest thing about Mark Manson's 'Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' is probably its title. The cover's bright orange and has the "F" word on the front page. It grabs your fucking attention.
The book failed to provide anything particularly challenging any schools of thought. It fits nicely in the growing trend of Stoic philosophy, accepting responsibility for our own actions to situations and counter to the "participation trophy" snowflake generation that are supposedly now reaching adulthood, lost and in need of a pat on the head.
It's a very surface look at stoic philosophy and whilst there is nothing wrong with any of the points Manson makes, there was nothing that hadn't been said before. When I read a self-help book - especially one with "f*ck" on the front cover - I expect to be challenged, and there was nothing here that I felt particularly challenged me.
That said, the book works as a subtle reminder of how we should try to conduct ourselves in this ever-complex world. It reminds us to carefully choose what we do and don't give a fuck about and it serves well as an introduction to the philosophy, perhaps for a younger audience.
The writing itself is good, barring the fact that Manson wrote perched on his pedestal. He helps us to consider how we could and should act in various situations, illustrated by some relatable stories.
I can see and understand how Manson has had such success with this book. It's honest and to the point, as well as catching the eye on a shelf of drab books. It's an enjoyable and easy enough read for someone who is willing to reflect on their conduct and philosophy and feeling satisfied without delving too deeply.
Below are the notes I took from this book. The quotes and lessons serve well as reminders of a Stoic approach to life.
You too can read along on the #StayAtHome Book Club Discord server. You don't have to be reading the book of the month as there are channels for discussing whatever you're reading. It's a place to share and motivate one another, and everyone is welcome!
Book Notes
The Subtle Art of Giving a Fuck - Mark Manson
Pg. 7 Our society today, through the wonders of consumer culture and hey-look-my-life-is-cooler-than-yours social media, has bred a whole generation of people who believe that having these negative experiences - anxiety, fear, guilt etc. - is totally not okay.
Pg. 9 The desire for more positive experiences is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.
Pg. 11 The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The detail of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.
Pg. 21 I see practical enlightenment as becoming comfortable with the idea that some suffering is always inevitable - that no matter what you do, life is comprised of failures, loss, regrets, and even death. Because once you become comfortable with all the shit that life throws at you (and it will throw a lot of shit, trust me), you become invincible in a sort of low-level spiritual way. After all, the only way to overcome pain is to first learn how to bear it.
Pg. 29 And this is what’s so dangerous about a society that coddles itself more and more from the inevitable discomfort of life: we lose the benefits of experiencing healthy doses of pain, a loss that disconnects us from the reality of the world around us.
Pg. 31 Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded. Happiness comes from solving problems. The keyword here is “solving.” If you’re avoiding your problems or feel like you don’t have any problems. Then you’re going to make yourself miserable. If you feel like you have problems that you can’t solve, you will likewise make yourself miserable. The secret sauce is in the the solving of the problems, not in not having problems in the first place.
To be happy we need to have something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action; it’s an activity, not something that is passively bestowed upon you, not something you magically discover in a top-ten article on the Huffington Post or from any specific guru or teacher.
Pg. 32 True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.
Pg. 35 This is why our problems are recursive and unavoidable. The person you marry is the person you fight with. The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job is the job you stress over. Everything come with an inherent sacrifice - whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad. What we gain is also what we lose. What create our positive experiences will define our negative experiences.
Pg. 37 Real, serious, lifelong fulfillment and meaning have to be earned through the choosing and managing of our struggles. Whether you suffer from anxiety or loneliness or obsessive-compulsive disorder or a dickhead boss who ruins half of your waking hours every day, the solution lies in the acceptance and active engagement of that negative experience - not the avoidance of it, not the salvation from it.
Pg. 56 The truth is that there’s no such thing as a personal problem. If you’ve got a problem, chances are millions of other people have had it in the past, have it now, and are going to have it in the future. Likely people you know too. That doesn’t minimise the problem or mean that it shouldn’t hurt. I t doesn’t mean you aren’t legitimately a victim in some circumstances.
It just means that you’re not that special.
Pg. 57 It’s strange that in an age when we are more connect than ever, entitlement seems to be at an all-time high. Something about recent technology seems to allow our insecurities to run amok like never before.
The more freedom we’re given to express ourselves, the more we want to be free of having to deal with anyone who may disagree with us or upset us. The more exposed we are to opposing viewpoints, the more we seem to get upset that those other viewpoints exist. The easier and more problem-free our lives become, the more we seem to feel entitled for them to get even better.
Pg. 59 The problem is that the pervasiveness of technology and mass marketing is screwing up a lot of people’s expectations for themselves. The inundation of the exceptional makes people feel worse about themselves. Makes them feel that they need to be more extreme, more radical, and more self-assured to get noticed or even matter.
Pg. 77 We’re apes. We think we’re all sophisticated with out toaster ovens and designer footwear, but we’re just a bunch of finely ornamented apes. And because we are apes, we instinctively measure ourselves against others and vie for status. The question is not whether we evaluate ourselves against others; rather the question is by what standard do we measure ourselves?
Pg. 94 Choosing to not consciously interpret events in our lives is still an interpretation of the events of our lives. Choose to not respond to the events in our lives is still a response to the events in our lives… it’s your responsibility to interpret the meaning of the event and choose a response.
Pg. 98 Fault is past tense. Responsibility is present tense. Fault results from choices that have already been made. Responsibility results from the choices you’re currently making, every second of every day.
Pg. 119 Instead of looking to be right all the time, we should be looking for how we’re wrong all the time. Because we are. Being wrong opens us up to the possibility of change. Being wrong brings the opportunity for growth.
Pg. 119 We don’t actually know what a positive or negative experience is. Some of the most difficult and stressful moments of our lives also end up being the most formative and motivating. Some of the best and most gratifying experiences of our lives are also the most distracting and demotivating. Don’t trust your conception of positive/negative experiences. All that know for certain is what hurts in the moment and what doesn’t. And that’s not worth much.
Pg. 149 When Pablo Picasso was an old man, he was sitting in a cafe in Spain, doodling on a used napkin. He was nonchalant about the whole thing, drawing whatever amused him in that moment. Some women sitting near him was looking on in awe. After a few moments, Picasso finished his coffee and crumpled up the napkin to throw away as he left.
The woman stopped him. “Wait,” she said. “Can I have that napkin you were just drawing on? I’ll pay your for it.”
“Sure,” Picasso replied. “Twenty thousand dollars.”
The Woman’s head jolted back as if he had just flung a brick at her. “What? It took you like two minutes to draw that.” “No,” Picasso said. “It took me over sixty years to draw this.” He stuffed the napkin in his pocket and walked out of the cafe.
Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures, and the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you’ve failed at something.
Pg. 171 We all must give a fuck about something, in order to value something. And to value something we must reject what is not that something. To value X, we must reject non-X.
That rejection is an inherent and necessary part of maintain our values, and therefore our identity. We are defined by what we choose to reject. And if we reject nothing, we essentially have no identity at all.
Pg. 187 Pursuing a breadth of experience denies us the opportunity to experience the rewards of depth of experience. There are some experience that you can have only when you’ve lived in the same place for five years, when you’ve been with the same person for over a decade, when you’ve been working on the same skill or craft for half your lifetime.
Pg. 208 Bukowski once wrote, “We’re all going to die, all of us. What a circus! That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn’t! We are terrorised and flattens by life’s trivialities; we are eaten up by nothing.”
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